Have you ever did something just because it comforted you in the moment? Not because it was necessarily healthy for you, but instead it calmed every ounce of your being just for a few seconds? I have. Many of times.
They often say the first step to personal healing is admitting you have a problem so, here I am, I have a problem. Now before you jump off the bandwagon hear me out.
I have an addiction to ordering Amazon packages, or really just anything online. Those marketing schemes of “One-day only SALE!” and “65% off: Limited Time Offer” really get me. Call me naive, but it’s actually more of an addiction not just a lack of experience. I’ll be mindlessly scrolling on my phone after a long day of peeling my screaming toddler off the floor and bam! there it is. The EXACT item I was just talking about that I so desperately “needed”, 70% off. I’ll be the first to admit that I almost always NEVER need something its more of a strong want. I make up every excuse in the book as to how I might possibly negotiate with myself to order it. I go to every extreme, oh but I don’t have that color, my current one has a small .5 cm hole in it and needs to be replaced or worse… it’ll NEVER be this cheap again. I must have all the things right now. Instant gratification. Oh that foamy hand soap is only available right now with the purchase of that seemingly purposeless tea towel? I must add that to my cart then. Now you’re telling me that I can get an additional 25% off if I sign up for pesky rewards where you scam my inbox with emails on a daily basis? Done. Oh, in order for me to get that 25% off I have to have a total of $50? Cool! I really needed that potato masher anyways. Even though we have a total of five potato mashers and we only use them like once a year.
There is almost always a catch twenty-two whenever I click checkout. But, I’ve already typed in all my credit card information and it’s one click away from placing the order. I don’t find comfort in actually placing the order. I actually find the most exhilarating excitement when I get the notification on my phone that a package has been delivered. I think the worst part is whenever a package comes to my door it’s like a constant surprise, a guessing game of what might be inside because I never remember what I order. Once that notification dings, my blood gets pumping and I have this instant guessing game with myself with what it might possibly be. A game. It’s like I’m about to get a new car in the mail or something. So I go home, open up the box and there I am sporting my new gadgets. All within 35 seconds.
Why is it that us humans seek comfort in the most mundane, useless things? I mean materialism is a thing, thanks to the roaring 20’s and their microwaves. But it’s the quickest and yet the least effective thing that eases our muscles and lowers our blood pressure. It’s like a moth. They’re so intrigued by the flicker of a flame they have to have it as close to them as possible. They notice the light and fly closer and closer to the bright neon orange strobe. But when they get too close to it, it’s actually harmful and wasn’t worth the risk. This analogy reminds me of my bank account.
I oftentimes wonder what it is that I like about shopping. It’s not like my love language is receiving gifts or anything. Honestly, is it the chase of finding the best deal or is it the idea of having more than enough? Or Is it a genetic problem passed down from my ancestors? You see, whenever my family and I get together we are so excited to see each other that we often forget to make plans. We’re not necessarily the most punctual people on the planet. You see I moved away from my rural hometown when I was 18 all packed up and ready for the new life ahead of me in the big city of Grand Rapids. This was a culture shock to me and my family as they dropped me off on a one-way street at the university’s campus dorms. They secretly love coming to see me, I’m convinced it’s because there are more department stores than there are grocery stores in a 3 mile radius. It’s like a routine now. “Hey honey, I’m coming over this weekend. Does that work for you?”, “Yea mom that’s perfect! Can’t wait to see you in a couple days.” The next day she’s arriving at my house four bags packed of stuff to stay one night. It’s not even 9 am and we’re already headed off to the shopping mall. For what you might ask? No idea. Most of the time, I think it’s because of where I grew up we dont’t get much experience people watching or living the glorious life of window shopping. The deprivation of life in the city without all the flashing lights and latest gadgets. Shopping has become a hobby, a common past time for every single woman in my family.
Why do I keep talking about shopping as being a problem? Well, it comforts me. However, this comfort isn’t healthy. One person doesn’t possibly need the same cardigan in 50 different colors. I mean I have more underwear than I have hair ties. There are true people who have not a single pair of underwear and here I am stuffing my underwear in a drawer with every muscle I have so no one breaks a hip running into it in the middle of the night. You might be thinking, well if I had the money I would do the same thing. Let me break it to ya, sister. I’m broke as a joke.
I’m a third year graduate student with 8+ years of student loans chilling in an account somewhere. I have a 7 year loan on a used car I bought in order to pay the lowest monthly amount possible. I’ve opened more than 10 credit cards and kept a credit balance of at least $1k on each. I’m also working as an intern 20-25 hours/week, which is NOT paid by the way. I don’t have the money to fork out for a new pair of shoes on a weekly basis. This my friend, is what’s called a problem. You can take financial classes and read all the self-help books you want to tackle this problem head on, in fact you could quote Dave Ramsey a million times saying “Dave would be proud of me right now” as you paid for your groceries with cash. However, none of these actions are useful until you own that your comfort is causing you pain and suffering,
Owning your battles and claiming they don’t have control over you is a good place to begin. You don’t have to click “Add to Cart” to feel comfort. Not only does poor impulse-control hinder me from succeeding financially, but it’s training my brain that I NEED that fifth pair of flats in order to do my job as a social worker. I think If I dress the part, I will act the part. I oftentimes believe that if I had a fancy enough purse or a trendy enough outfit it would replace my feelings of “not good enough”. The opposite is actually the truth. Don’t let your negative thoughts and feelings have power over you. Comfort can be deceptive. Learn how to decipher the difference between the unhealthy vs. healthy. Healthy comfort looks like loving yourself. Constantly giving yourself compassion, affirmation, and enjoyment out of this life. Healthy comfort could be taking a nap when you’re feeling tired, making a pros and cons list about a potentially unhealthy relationship, or saying no to that 70% off sale. Not only are you more than enough to me, you are more than enough for yourself. Love yourself a little more and give yourself credit when you fall. Pick yourself back up and remind yourself that you are the best YOU you can be not for anybody else but for yourself. You deserve to be healthy, whole, beautiful, kind, and loving to yourself. Your drive, skills, success, determination, and passion all come from YOU (well technically they come from God of course) not someone else. You matter.
You. Are. Good. Enough.
AllTheThings 